It's been a month since I last posted. Failure on my weekly post goal . . . I do have a bit of an excuse since my computer died, ca-put, dead, finitoed. 'Twas a sad day and functioning without a computer was a bit of an adjustment. I almost had to lick a stamp and put a bill in the mail and balance my own checkbook. Plus all the random things I just want to know, the ones that no one really should care about, but bug me for a few minutes until I know the answer or forget about them, I could't instantly access the answer. It was slightly annoying not to have limitless information at my finger tips. I also realized how much time I waste on the computer. We don't get TV at our house so I figured I was relatively safe from media time sucks . .. NOT TRUE!! All the mindless emails that are of no worth that I still read, why? And don't get me started on Facebook. I like Facebook. It's a great way to keep in touch with and connect with people I otherwise wouldn't. I do like to see what my friends and family are up to, but let's be honest, most of what is posted on Facebook is really not worth the second it takes to read. Granted there are some posts that are thought provoking, and like I said, I do like to see the pictures and the legitimate updates on people's lives, but I'm pretty sure I won't miss any of that if I give up my twice-a-day check habit, but I'm pretty grateful to have a computer again.
I've read a lot recently that has made me think and had lots of ideas on what to post. Everything from the article in National Geographic on child brides (tragic and disgusting!!) to the bright side of high fuel prices ( shorter supply chains bringing plants and manufacturing home to the States is becoming more appealing, thus possibly creating jobs) and lots of other things, but I recently read an article that was less esoteric and decided I'd write something a little more relatable.
I grew up in a very functional family that had it's fair share of dysfunctional moments and I've had good enough role models to know that when you have a problem, you ARE the problem. It's no one else's fault and even when someone else does have a role it's relatively futile to expect someone else to change. You are the one that's got to change your perspective. Much easier said than done. I've heard the old 'fake it until you make it' advice, but I don't agree with it, nor do I actually think it works. It just entangles you more into a web of pretending your reality is different than it really is and (I think) sets you up for bigger issues down the road.
So really how do you combat the little issues you wish were different in your life when they happen? I've found that taking the time to think through what you're trying to work out really helps. Duh, I know, but stay with me. If you take the time to think, I've found you usually know the answer to what's going to help you, you just may not have pin-pointed it or have the plan or gumption to act on that answer. I know that sounds obvious, but I'm continuously amazed at how many people do not take the time to think!!! They're just always reacting to whatever life hands them rather than thinking through a better way. Don't dwell on the problem, but think it through until you've come up with the heart of the issue and formulate a plan of action to remedy it. (I always need to write while I'm thinking or my mind wanders.)
Here's an example: I love my husband. He's the best ever. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's no one else in the world that is more perfect to and for me than he is, but lately I'm just irritated. (No offense honey!) I don't really know why. There's a few little superficial things I wish were different, but I'm sure there's a million little things he wishes were different about me. He probably wishes I'd do my hair more than one day a week and was nicer and not irritated, and didn't have a dog, and didn't obsess over a clean house, and didn't make vegetarian meals 3 days a week, and would be part of the network marketing company he works for, and talked to him rather than read my Kindle, and didn't turn the electric blanket on in June, and that I'd wear my contacts rather than glasses all the time, plus about a biscillion other things, but he's not irritated with me, or at least I don't know he is. I took the time to think about it this morning.
Of course I knew this was my own issue, but I still was at a road block of how to get over it until I took the time to think. An amazing ah-ha came: If I take the time and put in the effort to make my husband happy (even if it means wearing contacts, being nice and doing my hair - a high price! :) and make sure he feels loved that will help further all our other goals and will remedy the other things that bug me, even if the remedy is I just get over IT!
I realize I don't seem like the sharpest tool in the shed since I had to have focused thinking time to come up with this realization, but it's just an example of the road blocks we create for ourselves when we don't take the time to address a problem when it starts, think through it and formulate a plan of action to change what we don't like. My plan of action is simple, and I already knew the answer once I stopped being irritated and started to think about it. I'm going to make a focused effort to talk to Sage when he comes home rather than keep on cooking dinner and entertaining the kid. I'm going to plan at least 2 date nights a month (even though finding babysitters is a HUGE pain) and I'm going to consider every morning one way I can make him happy. Nothing big, nothing extraordinary, but I bet it makes the difference in me tolerating my marriage to remembering what an awesome guy I'm hitched to.
But really, stop checking Facebook twice a day take the time to think your own thoughts. I mean other thoughts than, 'maybe I should try Coke Zero, so-and-so (according to Facebook) loves it'. It really can work wonders!
(I realize the irony that I'll probably post this on facebook. Hopefully it's of more worth than someone's soda preference though. . .)
*If you care: Here's the link to the article that made me want to write something relatable. I actually found this in my email and read it after I had started my plan to improve my own marriage - funny how once you start thinking about something and really trying to solve a problem you're inundated with solutions. This guy is like Stephen Covey on steroids, super achiever, success expert and he wrote this about a good date gone bad with his wife. http://darrenhardy.success.com/2011/05/right-or-happy/
