I wrote the majority of this post a week or so ago and didn't post it because I always hesitate to get involved in the political debacles and debates that become so inflamed and in the end do no good and just make people mad, but that wasn't my intent at all.
I wrote this mostly for myself to separate in my mind what I really thought and believed from the dogma and rhetoric fed to me by family, friends and the media. It was amazing to me as I really considered a few things to realize that what I really felt was actually different than what I'd been assuming were my view points. It was a rewarding endeavor and I'm going to post this in hopes that it doesn't inflame. I'm not seeking to change anyone's opinions or beliefs, nor am I seeking affirmation that my views are correct. What I'd really like is for people to REALLY consider their own opinions, listen to others' and have their minds opened to another view point rather than just clustering down in defense behind the barracks of dogma that's been fed to them. I believe you can respect and understand another without agreeing. I'd love to read similar posts from my friends regarding their views so I too can better understand where others, especially those who don't share my same views are coming from. I'm no political scientist or super informed news junky and as you'll see in several areas I'm not at a definite conclusion, yet. (Another reason I'd love to hear other view points, to help me reach a conclusion.) I'm just a layman American citizen who thinks it's important to think for yourself and this is where I'm coming from.
National Debt and the current debate:
From what I've heard I don't feel that either the Dems. or the GOP have plans that are either real or sustainable. I'm all for a small government, but slashing government expenditures to the lowest levels since Eisenhower courts serious risks, especially for an economy on an already rocky recovery road, but I don't like tax increases either. I'm still deciding if I'm OK with big, successful business and rich Americans shelling out to cover tax increases. (I don't think I'm OK with it at all actually, but am trying to grasp at a feasible solution to the problem) The capitalist in me feels like that's a punishment for success and will stunt economic growth long term too. Definitely tough choices, but I think a balanced approach between the two party's agendas will truly be the best choice which is why I'm grateful for the Gang of Six. Not that I love or agree with everything I've heard about their plan, but to me it's the better alternative to the gridlock. I also think defaulting because either party is too prideful or prejudiced to concede a little is incredibly and insanely selfish. I think defaulting carries serious short and long term economic risks.
In the end the Dems are going to have to swallow cuts to their dear entitlement programs and the GOP is going to have to deal with tax increases, the end.
Welfare (the government provided sort) in General:
I have to tell this story because it's just so absurdly, but sadly, funny to me. I was talking to someone about politics and they were professing how Republican and Conservative they were, decrying everything Pres. Obama has done and ever will do and tooting their horn for Tea-Party Republicanism. Then in the next sentence they were telling me how great government programs are, that Medicare is so much better than paying for private insurance, you can get so much free stuff through WIC and it's too bad Food Stamps have a time limit on the program. SERIOUSLY?!! That nullified any credibility they had in their previous arguments. I'm not implying every Conservative or Tea Party Republican is like this, but it's just an example of how blind our prejudices can be.
Back to the welfare question. I really have to swallow hard on this one to choke back the economist, free-market, capitalist advocate in me. In a perfect world we wouldn't need welfare. People would see the needs of their neighbors and through their own efforts, or through the efforts of religious or civic groups they would help out. Unfortunately we're not a perfect world and I do see the need for government programs to help the disadvantaged, under-privileged and those who have just been dealt a bad hand and need help getting back on their feet. BUT I do think that the majority of the programs in place today do a very poor job at all of the above. They breed dependency and are severely abused. I recognize how tough these programs would be to reform, but to me that's no excuse for letting programs that bleed a country's finances dry and don't do a whole lot of good stand as is.
Along these same lines I read a comment from a respected friend of mine the other day that said, 'charity before economics' in regards to the debt talks. Honestly, that scared me to death and, as I understood it, is illogical and unsustainable. I know as a Christian that sounds terrible that I'd be so afraid of an approach that put charity first. In an individual's life charity before economics is the best approach, but not in the running of a business or a country. A country has to have funds to provide any charitable service. With a charity before economics approach soon the hand dealing the hand-outs will be empty with nothing to give. Very unsustainable. I'm hoping I just misunderstood my friend's intent and meaning.
Gay Marriage:
I stand conservative on this one!! Gay Marriage should NOT be legalized in my view. I feel traditional families (married Mom, Dad and kids) are the bedrock of a healthy society. I think any attempt to legalize and therefore imply to society that the gay lifestyle is normal and acceptable will be severely damaging long term. BUT I have several gay friends and I honestly don't think, like many of my ultra-conservative friends, that having gay attractions is a conscience 'choice' for most gays. Acting on those attractions and living the lifestyle is a conscience choice which veers quite far from my moral compass. (Yes, to me it's morally wrong.) BUT many gay people whether they act on those inclinations or not are still wonderful, good, contributing members of society so I do support domestic partner benefits etc. and obviously I think gays should be treated as civilly and kindly as anyone else.
While we're on the subject, Don't Ask, Don't Tell:
Tough call. I don't like the idea of my husband, brother or son serving in an openly gay military environment - that's for sure! But I'm not sure Don't Ask, Don't Tell was Constitutional and although I'm not thrilled with the repeal, I understand it. I feel it was a little discriminatory. I wouldn't like it, if to serve my country I had to hide something I felt was part of who I am (as I think most gays feel). To me, it's more of a moral issue than a government/military issue which makes it tricky. Morals and government decrees don't often mix well (along the lines of separation of church and state). I'm still a little up in the air on this one. I definitely see both sides and honestly don't know that repeal will change functionality in the military a whole lot anyway.
2nd Amendment, Right to Bear Arms:
I believe an armed public is a safe public. I see the point that law-abiding, sane citizens should be able to have as a big a gun as their crazy criminal counterparts, yet America does have a significantly higher murder rate than other first-world countries with tighter gun laws so there is definitely more to this, but I'll probably always stand firm for the Second Amendment. I think often in people's zeal to defend the 2nd Amendment the 4th Amendment, which guards against unwarranted searches, seizures and suspicions, is overlooked which to me is equally as important.
Illegal Immigration:
Have you ever been to Mexico? I mean the non-touristy parts. I have so much compassion for those people and understand why they'd risk everything to cross the border. It's illegal, which is wrong, yes, but is it more wrong than staying in a town where the drug lords are demanding your sister as a prostitute? That's a true story of one of my Dad's friends who's family illegally crossed the border probably 30 years ago when he was a child and conditions in Mexico have only deteriorated. That child who came in with his family as an illegal immigrant sought citizenship and is now a very successful, contributing member of society. I support an approach that allows illegals to work toward becoming legal without immediate expulsion, but don't necessarily believe in 'free' amnesty. I in no way condone illegal behavior, but I really feel for these people and know it's a tough political question. I think it's a crying shame that the Dream Act failed.
Abortion:
I do NOT support legal abortion. Pro-choice to me is poor excuse. I think the choice to run the risk of getting pregnant was made when she slept with him so please don't take an innocent life in defense of personal choice to avoid consequence. There's always concessions though. I do support abortion in cases of rape, incest or other VERY select instances. Abortion as a form of birth control is a moral abomination to me, a moral concern that affects others through no choice or fault of their own and degrades society to an extent that I do feel the government has as much a right (and obligation) to be involved and prevent it as they do for prosecuting those that take innocent lives in other ways.
Wars:
I hate war. I hate the atrocities, the suffering, the heartbreak at home, everything about it, but do I think it's worth fighting sometimes? Yes. When Libya's president started gunning his own people down in the streets something needed to be done by any country who professed to defend freedom and human rights. Reading A Thousand Splendid Suns (by the same man who wrote The Kite Runner) made me feel a little differently about Afghanistan too. I don't like that the U.S. has become embroiled in a incredibly long, tough and seemingly unwinnable conflict, but I think there has been some good accomplished in Afghanistan by our troops and there had to be some kind of defensive mounted against terrorism. I only hope the withdrawal plan isn't too hasty to undermine that good, although I admit to wanting our troops home safe. The war in Iraq I honestly don't know enough about to form an opinion. From what I do know, it seems like a conflict over something that wasn't even there in the first place and has simply served as a fiscal drain, but again I don't know very much and I understand everything in the Middle East is far more intertwined than appears at first glance.
I do recognize that there are other human rights atrocities just as severe (if not more so) in the world as Libya and Afghanistan where the U.S. isn't involved. The resources to be used in defense of freedom and human rights are finite and battles have to picked and chosen (usually picked with economics in mind, which honestly I can't fault too heartily from a purely logical standpoint). I guess I see both sides to the war debate and need to be little more informed to take a real side.
Those are a smattering of the things I've been thinking about as the presidential field begins to solidify. I hope that I haven't incited too much riot and like I said I'd love to hear your views. Along with criticism though, I like to hear solutions. Personally I think if you're going to spend the time to criticize and nitpick everything that's wrong with one party's plan, you better spend the time to come up with a better solution. Most discussions among citizens I've seen seem to be all criticism with few solutions. It's interesting how that appears to be the same matter of course in Washington. Food for thought, our elected officials may 'represent' us as a people in many more ways than we've considered. I'd propose we curb the criticism and blame of either side in Washington and change the way we lead our own discussions and lives. Just a thought. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Nice Approach to Fitness
After running a half marathon two weeks ago I was looking for a way to stay fit and feeling good without the time commitment training for the half marathon was. I was also a little burned out on running. Although now that I'm coming up on two weeks I'm starting to miss running again. In the mean time though I found this guy, Joel Harper. His approach to fitness is you should feel about fitness like you do about brushing your teeth. It doesn't have to be a huge time or financial commitment, but to keep you from feeling yucky it's absolutely necessary to do a little daily.
Here's some of his workouts that I've tried. The workouts are 10 minutes or less So I've been doing his AM and PM workouts and if I'm dragging during the day I do his energy boost workout. I've really enjoyed them as they seem well rounded and effective. I don't know that they'd get you super fit just by doing them, but I feel like they give me enough results to maintain my level of fitness if I throw in some other activities once in awhile. Here's the link. Hope you enjoy.
Joel Harper Workout
Here's some of his workouts that I've tried. The workouts are 10 minutes or less So I've been doing his AM and PM workouts and if I'm dragging during the day I do his energy boost workout. I've really enjoyed them as they seem well rounded and effective. I don't know that they'd get you super fit just by doing them, but I feel like they give me enough results to maintain my level of fitness if I throw in some other activities once in awhile. Here's the link. Hope you enjoy.
Joel Harper Workout
Monday, July 25, 2011
Great book, who knew?
I've been reading the Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin (hooray for free Kindle books) and have been surprised at how readable and enjoyable it is. It's a great book. It's easy to see how he became such a man of influence from such humble beginnings. It all came down to how he related to and treated people, his list of 13 virtues that he worked on developing everyday, hard work and frugality. Again, I'm surprised at how pleasant a read it is, pretty entertaining. Here's a few stand out notes that really made a difference in his life and what I think can make a difference in most lives. He worked to cultivate and perfect 13 virtues by focusing on one each week, but tracking how he did in each of them daily. The 13 Virtues are:
1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
11.TRANQUILITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates. (I'm not all that familiar with Socrates, but apparently he's worth reading about)
Benjamin Franklin admitted he never became perfect in any one of these virtues, but said that trying to perfect them made him such a better man that it was worth the exercise anyway.
Another thing I thought an excellent idea was he formed a group of young people ( he was about 21 at this time) to get together once a week and discuss different political, societal, moral, philosophical or any other worthy point or question. The rules were: every member in his turn should produce one or more queries to be discussed in the company and once every three months produce an essay he wrote on any subject he chose. Queries to be discussed were stated the week before the actual discussion took place. Debates were under direction of a rotating president and were to be conducted in the 'sincere spirit of inquiry after truth, without fondness for dispute, or desire of victory and to prevent warmth, all expressions of positiveness in opinions or direct contradiction were . . . contraband (forbidden).' Breaking the rules carried a small monetary fine. I thought how great it would be to form a group like this today, if only I myself could abide by the rules. :) I'd definitely have to work on the 13 virtues first. In this day and age of slander and unbounded opinion spoken as fact for no other purpose often than to breed discontent, cause polarity and make another person or party look bad, what a refreshing and inspiring gathering something like this would be.
I also love that Benjamin Franklin was one of the foremost advocates for education of women. ( one of my favorite soap boxes, but that's another post)
He also ran a very successful printing press, but refused to ever print anything that libeled, slandered or was a personal attack on anyone. When solicited to print something like this on grounds of the freedom of press he told them he would print the piece separately and the author might have as many copies as he wanted to distribute himself, but he would not fill a newspaper intended to inform and improve society with personal malice, private altercations or degrading articles. How different our media would be today if media outlets practiced this same scruple. Granted I know it's a different time and many things have changed, but principles are principles and I wish more in the media used this approach. Maybe then I'd watch the news rather than just read the sentence blips of the 'In the World this Week' page of The Economist.
Although he had his faults, don't we all, I've come to appreciate more and more what a great statesman and an incredible example Benjamin Franklin is and I'm not even through with the book. I'm more inspired by this book and it's more entertaining than all the modern 'self-improvement' books I've read.(I know, dorky that I read those, but I do.) Definitely a recommended read!
1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
11.TRANQUILITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates. (I'm not all that familiar with Socrates, but apparently he's worth reading about)
Benjamin Franklin admitted he never became perfect in any one of these virtues, but said that trying to perfect them made him such a better man that it was worth the exercise anyway.
Another thing I thought an excellent idea was he formed a group of young people ( he was about 21 at this time) to get together once a week and discuss different political, societal, moral, philosophical or any other worthy point or question. The rules were: every member in his turn should produce one or more queries to be discussed in the company and once every three months produce an essay he wrote on any subject he chose. Queries to be discussed were stated the week before the actual discussion took place. Debates were under direction of a rotating president and were to be conducted in the 'sincere spirit of inquiry after truth, without fondness for dispute, or desire of victory and to prevent warmth, all expressions of positiveness in opinions or direct contradiction were . . . contraband (forbidden).' Breaking the rules carried a small monetary fine. I thought how great it would be to form a group like this today, if only I myself could abide by the rules. :) I'd definitely have to work on the 13 virtues first. In this day and age of slander and unbounded opinion spoken as fact for no other purpose often than to breed discontent, cause polarity and make another person or party look bad, what a refreshing and inspiring gathering something like this would be.
I also love that Benjamin Franklin was one of the foremost advocates for education of women. ( one of my favorite soap boxes, but that's another post)
He also ran a very successful printing press, but refused to ever print anything that libeled, slandered or was a personal attack on anyone. When solicited to print something like this on grounds of the freedom of press he told them he would print the piece separately and the author might have as many copies as he wanted to distribute himself, but he would not fill a newspaper intended to inform and improve society with personal malice, private altercations or degrading articles. How different our media would be today if media outlets practiced this same scruple. Granted I know it's a different time and many things have changed, but principles are principles and I wish more in the media used this approach. Maybe then I'd watch the news rather than just read the sentence blips of the 'In the World this Week' page of The Economist.
Although he had his faults, don't we all, I've come to appreciate more and more what a great statesman and an incredible example Benjamin Franklin is and I'm not even through with the book. I'm more inspired by this book and it's more entertaining than all the modern 'self-improvement' books I've read.(I know, dorky that I read those, but I do.) Definitely a recommended read!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Each day is a gift
. . that is why they call it the present. (Thank you Kung Fu Panda.)
On a more serious note, I've had countless reminders of how valuable each day is the last two weeks. Two of my neighbors lost their lives when a shed they were tearing down collapsed on them. A pilot my husband knew quite well had a flying accident that cost three lives, one of the lives a teenage boy who was best friends with my good friend's son. I was at a family gathering recently where all my husband's siblings were there and when it came time for family pictures, of course you have to do pictures because everyone was there, even I who didn't know my husband's sister who had passed away all that well felt how surface everyone's smile was as we all knew we weren't really all there. How much I take for granted each and everyday, because truly everyday you have to spend with loved ones is a gift.
My husband is a pilot. It's a little more risky than being say, an accountant, and even this last week when he was on the ground I think I would've rather he was in the sky flying because after flying his client to Laredo, Texas their legal and legitimate business trip took them across the Mexican border on one of the most dangerous stretches of highway in North and Central America from Laredo, TX to Monterrey, MX. Mexican police with M16s were everywhere, drug busts were happening as they were driving and even their Mexican escorts were a little concerned about safety, which may or may not explain why they were driving over 100 miles per hour. Luckily I didn't know all this until after the fact, but how relieved I am that everyone made it home safely. Oh yea, and how irritated I am that someone didn't plan better to nullify some of the risks, but it made me take a second thought of what life would be like without my husband: terrible, empty, unfulfilling, bland and sad. You never know when one day will be too late, risky endeavor or not.
These terrible reminders lately have made me more aware of how important it is to enjoy right here, right now. We're building a house right now and it's easy to get caught up in the details of paint colors, hardwood floors and decks and think when we're finally in that house we'll do this and that, maybe we'll go to the movies again, but how foolish. Going to the drive-in to watch Cars 2 with my two-year-old son is WAY more important than agonizing over re-figuring what my payment is with new 'upcharges'. If today were my last with my family I wouldn't care at all about that house! I wouldn't even think about if I got granite counter tops or what my house payment would be. (Granted financial responsibility is important, but you have to know me to know how overboard I can be in that realm.)
So on that note I want my family to know how awe-inspiring they are and how much I love and appreciate them. My parents are amazing. They sacrificed to much to give me everything that would give me every advantage. I'm so grateful for all they taught me by example and all I learned indirectly through the opportunities they gave me.
My brother and his family I love to death. My brother and I were pretty good friends growing up which was oh, so nice and now his wife is the best thing that ever happened to him and we love her dearly. She adds a whole new dimension to our quiet, reserved family, which is such a good thing! All my in-law siblings I love dearly as well. It's nice to have family you love grow exponentially overnight when you get married. My sisters-in-law have been the best sisters I could ask for. I really (truly!) enjoy hanging out with all my husband's siblings.
My husband is one of a kind. Our son's favorite movie of late is Tangled. I think it's partly because Flynn Rider is so much like the guy I dated, married and who is now his dad with the cheesy pick-up lines, his unabashed cockiness, his 'smolder' and his utter astonishment that all girls don't fall head over heels. A rebel facade with truly a good heart. Just like Flynn Rider eventually bought apples for his arch-nemisis, the horse Maximus, Sage has deigned to pet my dog. After miraculously being bought back to life I can just see Sage saying, 'Sarah have I ever told you I have a thing for brunettes?' Sage's sense of humor and his goodness bless my life everyday.
Sage is a man of many talents. He grew up a cowboy on a ranch in middle-of-nowhere Nevada. He had a stint as a wildland firefighter. He's a craftsman, building our own incredible cabinets for our new house and his day job is a pilot, but as cool as being akin to a cartoon character and being able to do just about anything are it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What really matters is he would do anything for anybody to help them. My son and I can always depend on him to be there for us when it counts and he's so good to and for me. All my planning, perfect, clean craziness is mellowed out by him, which believe me, is a very good thing. The six years I've been married to him have truly been the most fun and best years of my life. He makes everything in life just that much better because he's so fun to be around and he has great perspective on what really matters. Plus it's just SO nice to know that whatever happens he'll always be there loving us and working hard to get whatever needs to happen done.
Of course there's my two-year old son who is sitting on my lap this moment driving his toy truck over the keyboard, so helpful. I've always liked kids but never been one of those girls who loved babysitting or even felt very comfortable with babies, but when our little man came into our lives I knew being his mom was my calling in life. He is such a joy. He reminds me most of all to enjoy the moment. He can spend hours throwing rocks in the ditch or waving the hose around and watching the water come out in wavy patterns. Wrestling with the dog gives him unbounded joy. He doesn't need new things or new clothes (or even clean clothes for that matter) to get a thrill and be happy. Going to the grocery store counts as an outing, granted I hate grocery shopping so we only go about every six weeks, so it really is kind of an event, but besides the point. He lives for now. He shows love to all those he loves unashamedly. You always know exactly where you stand with him and for the most part he loves life, appreciates all the beautiful, but everyday things like dandelions, and just has a blast doing whatever it is he finds to do. What he comes up with for entertainment is astonishing. What an example he is to me and he makes life so much fun.
I'm so lucky to have such great family and so lucky to have one more day to tell and show those around me how much I love them!
On a more serious note, I've had countless reminders of how valuable each day is the last two weeks. Two of my neighbors lost their lives when a shed they were tearing down collapsed on them. A pilot my husband knew quite well had a flying accident that cost three lives, one of the lives a teenage boy who was best friends with my good friend's son. I was at a family gathering recently where all my husband's siblings were there and when it came time for family pictures, of course you have to do pictures because everyone was there, even I who didn't know my husband's sister who had passed away all that well felt how surface everyone's smile was as we all knew we weren't really all there. How much I take for granted each and everyday, because truly everyday you have to spend with loved ones is a gift.
My husband is a pilot. It's a little more risky than being say, an accountant, and even this last week when he was on the ground I think I would've rather he was in the sky flying because after flying his client to Laredo, Texas their legal and legitimate business trip took them across the Mexican border on one of the most dangerous stretches of highway in North and Central America from Laredo, TX to Monterrey, MX. Mexican police with M16s were everywhere, drug busts were happening as they were driving and even their Mexican escorts were a little concerned about safety, which may or may not explain why they were driving over 100 miles per hour. Luckily I didn't know all this until after the fact, but how relieved I am that everyone made it home safely. Oh yea, and how irritated I am that someone didn't plan better to nullify some of the risks, but it made me take a second thought of what life would be like without my husband: terrible, empty, unfulfilling, bland and sad. You never know when one day will be too late, risky endeavor or not.
These terrible reminders lately have made me more aware of how important it is to enjoy right here, right now. We're building a house right now and it's easy to get caught up in the details of paint colors, hardwood floors and decks and think when we're finally in that house we'll do this and that, maybe we'll go to the movies again, but how foolish. Going to the drive-in to watch Cars 2 with my two-year-old son is WAY more important than agonizing over re-figuring what my payment is with new 'upcharges'. If today were my last with my family I wouldn't care at all about that house! I wouldn't even think about if I got granite counter tops or what my house payment would be. (Granted financial responsibility is important, but you have to know me to know how overboard I can be in that realm.)
So on that note I want my family to know how awe-inspiring they are and how much I love and appreciate them. My parents are amazing. They sacrificed to much to give me everything that would give me every advantage. I'm so grateful for all they taught me by example and all I learned indirectly through the opportunities they gave me.
My brother and his family I love to death. My brother and I were pretty good friends growing up which was oh, so nice and now his wife is the best thing that ever happened to him and we love her dearly. She adds a whole new dimension to our quiet, reserved family, which is such a good thing! All my in-law siblings I love dearly as well. It's nice to have family you love grow exponentially overnight when you get married. My sisters-in-law have been the best sisters I could ask for. I really (truly!) enjoy hanging out with all my husband's siblings.
My husband is one of a kind. Our son's favorite movie of late is Tangled. I think it's partly because Flynn Rider is so much like the guy I dated, married and who is now his dad with the cheesy pick-up lines, his unabashed cockiness, his 'smolder' and his utter astonishment that all girls don't fall head over heels. A rebel facade with truly a good heart. Just like Flynn Rider eventually bought apples for his arch-nemisis, the horse Maximus, Sage has deigned to pet my dog. After miraculously being bought back to life I can just see Sage saying, 'Sarah have I ever told you I have a thing for brunettes?' Sage's sense of humor and his goodness bless my life everyday.
Sage is a man of many talents. He grew up a cowboy on a ranch in middle-of-nowhere Nevada. He had a stint as a wildland firefighter. He's a craftsman, building our own incredible cabinets for our new house and his day job is a pilot, but as cool as being akin to a cartoon character and being able to do just about anything are it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What really matters is he would do anything for anybody to help them. My son and I can always depend on him to be there for us when it counts and he's so good to and for me. All my planning, perfect, clean craziness is mellowed out by him, which believe me, is a very good thing. The six years I've been married to him have truly been the most fun and best years of my life. He makes everything in life just that much better because he's so fun to be around and he has great perspective on what really matters. Plus it's just SO nice to know that whatever happens he'll always be there loving us and working hard to get whatever needs to happen done.
Of course there's my two-year old son who is sitting on my lap this moment driving his toy truck over the keyboard, so helpful. I've always liked kids but never been one of those girls who loved babysitting or even felt very comfortable with babies, but when our little man came into our lives I knew being his mom was my calling in life. He is such a joy. He reminds me most of all to enjoy the moment. He can spend hours throwing rocks in the ditch or waving the hose around and watching the water come out in wavy patterns. Wrestling with the dog gives him unbounded joy. He doesn't need new things or new clothes (or even clean clothes for that matter) to get a thrill and be happy. Going to the grocery store counts as an outing, granted I hate grocery shopping so we only go about every six weeks, so it really is kind of an event, but besides the point. He lives for now. He shows love to all those he loves unashamedly. You always know exactly where you stand with him and for the most part he loves life, appreciates all the beautiful, but everyday things like dandelions, and just has a blast doing whatever it is he finds to do. What he comes up with for entertainment is astonishing. What an example he is to me and he makes life so much fun.
I'm so lucky to have such great family and so lucky to have one more day to tell and show those around me how much I love them!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Everything (of value) I know I learned from my horse.
That's been almost 10 years ago. I miss my boy. I sold him after my first year of college to a great home down the street from my favorite vet because I didn't have time to ride anymore with college, work and life. I didn't want to (or knew I couldn't) make horses a career and I couldn't afford to pay for his upkeep after I was off my parent's meal ticket. It broke my heart. It was the right decision, but I still miss him and I miss riding and working with horses everyday.
Before Shwin there was Ranger and Irish. My parents bought Ranger for me when I was eight, he was chronically lame so he was meat price, inexpensive, and his lameness was relatively treatable. I was only eight. I wasn't going to ride that hard. I remember riding Ranger through the sprinklers bareback in my swimsuit. He was a good pony and kind. My parents sacrificed to buy him. They got paper routes to pay for his boarding expenses because we still lived in the city. How grateful I am for their sacrifices that allowed me to have horses, because there were a lot. Sometimes my mom called my horses 'couch' or 'curtains' or something because paying for them meant she didn't get new furniture. Anyway, I learned all the basics on Ranger. Later when I moved on to other horses I taught other kids riding lessons on him. He died of old age after I'd been at college out of state for a few months. My mom called to tell me and I cried and cried. I'm sure my roommates thought I was crazy to be so grief stricken over the death of a horse. In fact, when one of them finally got the courage to ask me what was wrong, they thought one of my grandparents had died.
Then there was Irish. Irish is a whole other story. She has more personality that any other horse I've known. She still lives at my parents house and is just as funny today as she was when I got her as a five-year-old. I was eleven and a little tiny girl. Irish was five, didn't have much training besides being broke to ride, and she was big and strong. I was run away with everyday for months. When she got tired of working, she'd duck her head, ripe the reins out of my hands and take off. We didn't have an arena so I rode and worked in the flattest place I could find, which was FAR from level. There was nothing to stop her from running for miles, if she took a notion. I didn't know how to stop her, so I just tried to stay on her back until she got tired and most of the time succeeded.
Irish taught me true grit and really how to work with a horse, help them want to do what you wanted them to and teach them new things. She wasn't the most talented of ponies, but she loved her job and I had so much fun riding her. Other parents were sometimes appalled that my mom let me keep riding such a 'dangerous' horse because she did have a serious attitude problem at times, but she never would have intentionally hurt anyone and man she taught me to ride. I've never been afraid to climb on any horse, anywhere, to do anything because if I could stick with Irish through all those years I could ride anything. She taught me more than any other horse, or person for that matter.
There was Star Dust in the mix too. I was given this little Shetland pony that hadn't been ridden in years. I didn't have a saddle that fit such a little, broad beast so I worked with her bareback all summer. I got her rideable and nice again, broke her bad habit of snaking her head around and biting rider's toes then sold her to the neighbor kids. She was SOOOO cute.
When I was a junior in high school I got Shwin. He was an amazingly talented horse, but still pretty inexperienced. He had been a race horse before I got him and people said he had a screw loose and some said he was dangerous, but I never saw the dangerous side of him. (Apparently I rode a lot of 'dangerous' horses. It's a wonder I'm alive.) As long as you were fair to him, didn't ask him to do what you hadn't thoroughly taught him and were clear about what you wanted he was a big sweet heart and took me a long way. He's one of those horses you know you'll never be able to get a horse quite that good again. He was amazing.
I rode a lot of other horses too. I worked at two barns while I was in high school grooming, mucking stalls and warming up horses for trainers . . and riding all the other horses the trainers didn't want to take the time to ride.
So what have horses taught me?
-To be authentic.
Animals can see right through any charade you're putting on. You've got to be 100% honest about what you can and can't do, what you have and haven't worked on and what you really want.
-To work hard and enjoy the ride even when you feel like you're at a disadvantage.
I competed against a lot of other riders who had 'made' horses (horses that were trained by professionals from the day they were born) and those riders hopped on their push-button ponies on show day and rode. I did all the work and training on my own horses, with some lessons and clinics, but my horses were never ridden regularly by professional trainers. I got the horses we could afford, not something imported from Europe. (Seriously, some people really did buy the best trained, best blood lines and most talented horses in Europe and had them shipped to the U.S.) And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I learned to love horses for the horse, not for the win. I learned to work my behind off day in and day out to make up for any disadvantage and relish in the triumph of little daily victories. (YES!!! We finally nailed that canter depart!)
-What works when dealing with one horse (or person) may not be the same thing that works when dealing with someone else.
Of course, the basics are still the same (in the human realm:common courtesy, kindess, compassion, honesty, integrity, fairness) but sometimes you have to ask for things differently or communicate and explain things differently to different people (or horses).
-Take 100% responsibility for your own life.
The best riding instructor I ever had (my mom) told me NOTHING is EVER the horse's fault. Everything that is happening, whether good or bad, is because of something you're doing as a rider or because of something you have or haven't trained your horse to do. Failure is NEVER the horse's (or anyone else's) fault. Thanks to that, I've always known that whatever is going on in my life is because of me, and I better fess up, take responsibility for it and work to change it if I don't like it or it's not working.
-There is such thing as luck, roll with the punches.
I love to ride horses any way, any how from jumping on my rodeo friends' barrel and pole ponies to pushing cows to riding a Dressage or Reining pattern. All disciplines have very cool aspects and can teach you a lot about riding, but what I competed in most was Combined Training. The competition was over two or three days and competitors rode the same horse in three very different events. Your score was an aggregate of all your rides. You could do extremely well on the first day riding your Dressage pattern (basically dancing for horses), make it through Cross Country clean(jumping 'natural' solid obstacles in a natural field setting with a time limit. Go pony, go!), and be the first one out in show jumping (jumping brightly colored fences in a tight pattern in an arena, also timed) have a slip in a hidden muddy spot that causes your horse, as he's going over the fence, to barely nick the top rail with his hoof. The rail falls, costing you everything. It doesn't matter how well you prepared, how well you ride, sometimes stuff happens. Live with it.
-Confidence is key. It will carry you and others through.
Riding jumping horses takes some guts. Jumps are sometimes designed to look scary to horses (and riders for that matter). If your confidence is wavering in how well you've set your horse up to jump a certain fence, your horse feels it and most often slams on the brakes at the last minute, skidding to a stop at the base of the fence and sending you flying over his ears and over (or into) the fence. Not fun! You've got to believe in yourself and have confidence in your abilities if not only for yourself, but to pull those around you through.
-Don't take things personally. Don't get so emotionally invested in things others do or say.
When my Irish horse ran away with me day after day as a little girl it wasn't because she hated me or thought I was a terrible rider. She did it because she was tired of what we were doing and frankly she could. There was no use in feeling bad or picked on. Set aside your emotions and just deal with the problem.
-Sometimes people do unfair things and can be serious jerks. Persevere.
I was involved in a national organization that rated riders on their riding ability and on veterinary and other horsey knowledge. Part of these ratings were riding tests and then there was 4-6 hours of oral knowledge tests. This is where I learned to think and speak on my feet and never be afraid of public speaking or presenting. But anyway, in one of these ratings there was some unfair things going on and the national examiners who had flown in to do the test were just serious jerks. There was three of us that got shafted two years in a row. I was BENT! I had invested a ton of time and work into preparing for this, traveled two states away, and spent a lot of money to get there. I could deal with being shafted once, but two years in a row? I actually yelled and swore at the examiner after it was all over, which is pretty out-of-character for me. It was so blatantly unfair that another national examiner, unrelated to any of the three of us, was there as an observer and raised a ruckus that got some things changed for us later. It was a defining moment in my life. Do I throw in the towel because other people are jerks or do I try again because it's one of my goals and what I wanted? Luckily Irish had taught me true grit and to never give up.
-Take care of and maintain what you have, whatever that might be.
My horses and tack were not the fanciest, but I was taught to take really good care of them and it paid off. We rarely had a vet bill and with elbow grease my ponies and tack looked just as great as their expensive counterparts. I got compliments on how well my horses were 'turned out' all the time, even from people who didn't really know horses. It drives me crazy when people don't do their best to maintain and take care of what they have, whether it's a car, a yard or whatever. It's a responsibility thing to me and also just plain dumb not too. Maintaining is far cheaper and easier than replacing.
-Not to swear. :) Mostly this is just a funny story, but it is bad to swear . . .
One day Irish and I were having a bit of a fight and I called her a little b****. My mom heard me and was already mad at me for not dealing with my horse better anyway. She told me to get off, 'right this instant' and that she was selling my horse if this was how I behaved. I knew she was serious because she told others there that Irish was for sale. Well, I was probably thirteen at the time and I sobbed and sobbed and apologized and promised to never act that way or swear again (which I haven't exactly done, but I try) and my mom didn't sell my horse, but the emotional trauma of it all made me physically sick and we ended up missing a family reunion, my mom's family reunion actually. If I was mean and vindictive I'd say, "Serves you right, Mom." But I'm not so I'll just say, "Thanks for teaching me not to swear and deal with problems effectively."
I truly think, it's not just a saying, that most of what I've learned that has helped me the most in life I learned from or because of my horses. Thank you Mom and Dad for giving me the opportunity to learn, ride and love!
Shwinny, first place. Pegasus Horse Trial.
Shwin, Show Jumping at Gold Spike Horse Trials. Got in a little deep to that fence, but you can see just how dang scopey this pony was.
Us hanging at home. Wish I had pictures of him running cross country. He was incredibly fun to ride, bold and fast. Too bad I don't have pictures of my other ponies here either (most are still at my parent's house in scrapbooks in boxes in the basement doing everyone so much good and taking up space . . . maybe that's why I don't scrapbook.)
Monday, June 20, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
An Ode to Full-time Moms
Funny thing. I never thought I'd be one to write something like this. I was raised in a culture and religion that is very family focused and promotes 'traditional' family values. In addition to these traditions I was blessed with very forward thinking, high achieving women as role models in my family. Before it was commonplace, my grandmothers and great-grandmothers were going to college and finding work. My grandmother graduated from college and left rural Utah to work as a secretary in San Francisco, something that wasn't quite status-qou in those days. My great-grandmother also had a college degree and taught school to support her family after her husband died. My mother, although always being home when us kids were home, taught Math and Economics at the local college while we were in school and has continued to teach college level courses for 15 years. These women loved their families and were always there for them, but it wasn't the only thing in life, although I'm sure they'd all say it was the most important thing. Getting married and having babies wasn't taught as an end-all, be-all...THANK HEAVENS that was not how I was raised.
The women in my family were strong, talented, skilled women and did make it very well in the career place, but they made the choice to devote most of their time to their family. So I'm not sure why I felt this way and am very scared to admit this, but I found deep down inside I didn't quite appreciate or respect the stay-at-home-moms of today. I had this stereotype in my mind of the girl who didn't have bigger plans for her life, that got married because she didn't see any other option, and her only goals in life were to have lots of babies (because what else was she going to do) and watch reality TV. Terrible, I know!!! and again I don't know what predisposed me to think this, but I did and I'm finally forcing myself to come to terms with it.
So here's how I fit into all this. I went to college on full scholarship, did very well, had a great internship and good opportunities. I was very blessed. I met a guy I loved and he loved me back, but he hesitated to propose to me because he wondered if I'd choose career over him. I didn't, and never would have, but looking back I see why he would've thought this. In my perspective, getting married may or may not have happened. I hoped he'd ask me, but I was way to proud and a traditionalist to ask him, so I figured I had better continue to set myself up for good career opportunities and live my life moving forward until something of firm commitment made me realign those plans. Not to say either of us ever thought getting married would cost me a career, but I was filling out job applications to move to Brazil or Washington D.C. or go to grad school in the Mid-West, stuff like that, and if there was no commitment from him, why should I put my life on hold and miss out on those opportunities? Now there's probably two schools of thought going on with you readers. You're either thinking: 'You moron. Why didn't you move to Brazil?' Or 'You are the biggest jerk ever, I can't believe he married you after you acted like that.' I definitely see both points and probably could've handled that time in my life a little better, but nonetheless lucky for me he did ask (a week before I graduated from college and really started pursuing those avenues) and thus I opted to stay in good old Idaho with him.
I worked for the USDA for a little while, using my degree. Then, as is typical with lower level government jobs, funding ran out and I was laid off. I had a stint as a bank teller, not quite the career path I wanted so luckily for whatever reason I was perusing the paper one day ( I never read the paper) and came across a job with what was one of my 'big 5' companies, one of the companies that in college I had pinpointed as who I really wanted to work for. I applied, got that job and quickly moved through several positions there and was doing exactly what I went to school to do and loved it, plus had tons of growth opportunity. I was happily married and had my career path. I had it all.
After four years of being married we decided to have a baby. I love kids, I do, but I've never been baby crazy and was a terrible babysitter. This was a whole new ball game for me, but when my little guy was born I know I'd move mountains to do what was best for him. My job and boss were incredibly awesome and I took three months off before I went back to work, plus they let me take him to work with me. Again, win-win!! He started to get older, old enough where he didn't just sleep all the time and it got harder and harder. I had to make a decision. I started shopping day-cares because not only did I love my job, my husband's job wasn't super stable and if I didn't have a job we didn't have health insurance. I literally got sick to my stomach every time I walked into a day care and thought of leaving my son there. I couldn't do it, no way, no how, never. We were just going to have to make things work.
That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Even though I knew I could never take my son to day care the thought of giving up what I'd worked so hard for in college and so far in my career, plus leaving my friends, my income, my insurance, my challenge, and what was a huge part of my life that I really loved was gut wrenching. I'm so glad I did it though! Sure there's days where I wish I had something other to do than read the same stories a million times, do laundry and throw rocks in the creek for hours, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have a new perspective on full-time moms. I know not everyone has the luxury of staying home with their kids and I also recognize that it may not be the right choice for everyone, but to those who to take care of home, kids and everything else in life full-time with no monetary compensation, thank you for your sacrifice! I've come to realize many full-time moms have just as ambitious goals as our career counterparts. I just keep adding to my ambitious goal list and you know what, I have way more freedom and time to work on my goals now than when I was working full time. And garaunteed, if we're doing a good job taking care of home, kids and life we work long hours . . .and we don't get insurance or pay, we just get self-satisfaction and lots of love.
The other day I was struggling and thinking about how I needed to do better. I started reviewing all the success principles I'd learned in my career that helped me. One of them was: 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts, so you better make sure you're spending your time in high value tasks rather than the minutia, ensuring you get to that 20% of result producing work. Along with this was the learned skill to make sure what you deem high value activities are the same activities your boss deems high value. I got thinking I needed to make sure I was spending my time in high value activities because there was no way I was going to get everything done. (Those full-time moms that say they're bored, I have no idea how that happens!) Anyway, What I did get done had to matter and I just wasn't sure what was the highest value. So who was my boss? Who could I check with to make sure what I deemed as high value tasks were really high value tasks. Like I said earlier, I was raised in a religion were family is very central and important, but this wonderful Ah-ha came to me: God is my boss. All of us our God's children. I'm a steward as a mom and wife, doing my best to take care of at least two of his children, my husband and son. So God would know and care what is high value and what's the mindless details of life. As God's 'employee' he has vested interest in my work and success. And who better to have rooting for you, on your side and as a mentor and coach than God and our Savior Jesus Christ? It is a totally weird way to think of it, but it helped me appreciate my role as a full-time mom and realize how vitally important what I(and every other full-time mom who tries her best)does each and everyday is in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I think I'll count becoming a full-time mom as a promotion. I work directly for the biggest boss of them all. :)
Here's a short summary of how my religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) feels about the family.http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng I'm not trying to be preachy, just a little background on where I'm coming from with all this, so you don't think I'm completely crazy! :)
The women in my family were strong, talented, skilled women and did make it very well in the career place, but they made the choice to devote most of their time to their family. So I'm not sure why I felt this way and am very scared to admit this, but I found deep down inside I didn't quite appreciate or respect the stay-at-home-moms of today. I had this stereotype in my mind of the girl who didn't have bigger plans for her life, that got married because she didn't see any other option, and her only goals in life were to have lots of babies (because what else was she going to do) and watch reality TV. Terrible, I know!!! and again I don't know what predisposed me to think this, but I did and I'm finally forcing myself to come to terms with it.
So here's how I fit into all this. I went to college on full scholarship, did very well, had a great internship and good opportunities. I was very blessed. I met a guy I loved and he loved me back, but he hesitated to propose to me because he wondered if I'd choose career over him. I didn't, and never would have, but looking back I see why he would've thought this. In my perspective, getting married may or may not have happened. I hoped he'd ask me, but I was way to proud and a traditionalist to ask him, so I figured I had better continue to set myself up for good career opportunities and live my life moving forward until something of firm commitment made me realign those plans. Not to say either of us ever thought getting married would cost me a career, but I was filling out job applications to move to Brazil or Washington D.C. or go to grad school in the Mid-West, stuff like that, and if there was no commitment from him, why should I put my life on hold and miss out on those opportunities? Now there's probably two schools of thought going on with you readers. You're either thinking: 'You moron. Why didn't you move to Brazil?' Or 'You are the biggest jerk ever, I can't believe he married you after you acted like that.' I definitely see both points and probably could've handled that time in my life a little better, but nonetheless lucky for me he did ask (a week before I graduated from college and really started pursuing those avenues) and thus I opted to stay in good old Idaho with him.
I worked for the USDA for a little while, using my degree. Then, as is typical with lower level government jobs, funding ran out and I was laid off. I had a stint as a bank teller, not quite the career path I wanted so luckily for whatever reason I was perusing the paper one day ( I never read the paper) and came across a job with what was one of my 'big 5' companies, one of the companies that in college I had pinpointed as who I really wanted to work for. I applied, got that job and quickly moved through several positions there and was doing exactly what I went to school to do and loved it, plus had tons of growth opportunity. I was happily married and had my career path. I had it all.
After four years of being married we decided to have a baby. I love kids, I do, but I've never been baby crazy and was a terrible babysitter. This was a whole new ball game for me, but when my little guy was born I know I'd move mountains to do what was best for him. My job and boss were incredibly awesome and I took three months off before I went back to work, plus they let me take him to work with me. Again, win-win!! He started to get older, old enough where he didn't just sleep all the time and it got harder and harder. I had to make a decision. I started shopping day-cares because not only did I love my job, my husband's job wasn't super stable and if I didn't have a job we didn't have health insurance. I literally got sick to my stomach every time I walked into a day care and thought of leaving my son there. I couldn't do it, no way, no how, never. We were just going to have to make things work.
That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Even though I knew I could never take my son to day care the thought of giving up what I'd worked so hard for in college and so far in my career, plus leaving my friends, my income, my insurance, my challenge, and what was a huge part of my life that I really loved was gut wrenching. I'm so glad I did it though! Sure there's days where I wish I had something other to do than read the same stories a million times, do laundry and throw rocks in the creek for hours, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have a new perspective on full-time moms. I know not everyone has the luxury of staying home with their kids and I also recognize that it may not be the right choice for everyone, but to those who to take care of home, kids and everything else in life full-time with no monetary compensation, thank you for your sacrifice! I've come to realize many full-time moms have just as ambitious goals as our career counterparts. I just keep adding to my ambitious goal list and you know what, I have way more freedom and time to work on my goals now than when I was working full time. And garaunteed, if we're doing a good job taking care of home, kids and life we work long hours . . .and we don't get insurance or pay, we just get self-satisfaction and lots of love.
The other day I was struggling and thinking about how I needed to do better. I started reviewing all the success principles I'd learned in my career that helped me. One of them was: 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts, so you better make sure you're spending your time in high value tasks rather than the minutia, ensuring you get to that 20% of result producing work. Along with this was the learned skill to make sure what you deem high value activities are the same activities your boss deems high value. I got thinking I needed to make sure I was spending my time in high value activities because there was no way I was going to get everything done. (Those full-time moms that say they're bored, I have no idea how that happens!) Anyway, What I did get done had to matter and I just wasn't sure what was the highest value. So who was my boss? Who could I check with to make sure what I deemed as high value tasks were really high value tasks. Like I said earlier, I was raised in a religion were family is very central and important, but this wonderful Ah-ha came to me: God is my boss. All of us our God's children. I'm a steward as a mom and wife, doing my best to take care of at least two of his children, my husband and son. So God would know and care what is high value and what's the mindless details of life. As God's 'employee' he has vested interest in my work and success. And who better to have rooting for you, on your side and as a mentor and coach than God and our Savior Jesus Christ? It is a totally weird way to think of it, but it helped me appreciate my role as a full-time mom and realize how vitally important what I(and every other full-time mom who tries her best)does each and everyday is in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I think I'll count becoming a full-time mom as a promotion. I work directly for the biggest boss of them all. :)
Here's a short summary of how my religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) feels about the family.http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng I'm not trying to be preachy, just a little background on where I'm coming from with all this, so you don't think I'm completely crazy! :)
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