. . . I sure hope I'm a little quicker on the uptake than the children of Israel because I sure don't want to be here for 40 years.
It's been awhile, ironic that this is the start back of my blogging, and there are no promises that it will continue, but maybe I blog when my life isn't quite inline with what my goals are, maybe I'm filling a void here, who knows, but here's a quick update on my life since I last wrote. I moved into my dream house (WAHOO!!) I had a baby girl (awwww!!!) and THEN my husband was laid off and we moved out of my dream home to hillbilly hell.
No joke, I'm struggling out here. I think I'm usually pretty good at being an optimist and making the best of situations, but I am not doing so hot.
A few things regarding my perception of Mackay, Idaho:
-Anarchy seems to be the preferred political platform. Granted, I don't live under the illusion that our government is flawless and free of corruption, but anarchy? really? Check out what's happening to what started as the Arab Spring to see how well anarchy works out. At least those involved in the Arab Spring where young, I'm not seeing a citizen's militia formed by the disgruntled elderly population of Mackay going all that well, since truly they'd all be over 70, leading to my next point.
- As my husband pointed out, people move here to die. So not only do you have the crazy anarchist elderly, they're the people with no ambitions, hopes or motivation for the future hiding from what they see as the impending apocalypse. Not really a hotbed of opportunity where dreams can be easily promoted. I guess it's all in your perspective though, right?
-Education is seen as an unnecessary evil. Disconcerting to me since I believe education is the doorway to opportunity and I've seen it work as such in my own life
-Where I'm from I'm a relatively moderate responsible citizen. Out here I'm like PETA and Greenpeace. Maybe this is where I should admit that I'm pretty much a vegetarian. Yes my husband was raised on a cattle ranch and now works on a cattle ranch, but if I didn't think it would be cruel and unusual punishment for the rest of my family I'd be a full time vegetarian. And I admit, I recycle things and I don't think kicking your dog is right. There's kind of the mentality of use it, abuse it, get what you need at whatever cost, then leave it ( you should see the abandoned homes and junk out here!!!) This mentality seems to apply to natural resources, equipment, and pretty much everything.
-Religious views seem to be a little used and abused to promote people's own agendas, rather than to bring people to Christ. Personal favorite so far: You don't need to forgive someone until they change their behavior. Really? My version of the Christian faith that I profess ( and that the person that said this supposedly also believes in) is forgive 70 times 7, pretty much always. That incident of the supreme example, Jesus Christ, forgiving the soldiers who nailed him to the cross with his dying breath is pretty instructive and important, that's just me though. Maybe this is my cue to forgive Mackay for being hillbilly hell.
Plus there's the fact that as petty and superficial as it is I really don't like the house I live in. The carpet that is EVERYWHERE including the bathroom (which is just plain unsanitary) is the color of cheese mold, kind of a teal. It's also an incredibly inefficient use of space. It's a big house, but none of the space is usable. And the crowning glory, that no matter what I do, how much I clean this place, it smells like a nursing home. So sad! We went to our house in Idaho Falls to do yard work and after being shut up for a few weeks it smelled like fresh paint and a new house. We got back here after being gone for 2 days and walked in the door and yes, it smelled like a nursing home. Iccck!!! I usually love cleaning and organizing. I have no motivation to do that out here because I feel like no matter what I do it's still just icky and weird.
This probably isn't a fair representation of Mackay. I doubt these issues are representative of the majority of people out here ( I sincerely HOPE!!!) but it is somewhat scary that in my six weeks here they've become as glaringly apparent as they have. And this house, well I should be grateful. It's a house to live in, we still have our nice Idaho Falls house and my husband has a job and we can pay all our bills, which I think in a weird way makes it almost worse. Not only do I not like it here, but I have the serious guilt of feeling incredibly ungrateful for not liking it here. Which I should feel guilty, but I'm really struggling changing that. I feel like we've turned our backs on everything we worked for, my husband's pilot's license, our beautiful house that sits empty because I'm too picky about renters, and lots of other more personal things and are just biding our time in this dark, but pretty, abyss where people go to die.
I have met some nice seemingly normal people here, and the scenery is hands-down breathtaking, and my dog loves it and this house has a utility sink which is nice, and the people we work for are pretty amazingly good people, so there are plenty of good things. I just need to keep clinging to those things in hopes of finding more. Plus I think maybe I'm out here because I need something to make me cling to my faith and do all those things I know I should, but haven't been great at doing. Out here, serious prayer, scripture study and journal writing (even if it's only to vent) are going to be absolutely necessary for my sanity and spiritual survival. So here's to giving what I can, helping who I can and getting my feet firmly planted in faith and good works so I can survive the sojourn. If only God would provide manna from heaven to help with my aversion to cooking.
Wish me luck, because I'll need all the help I can get. How's that for an update and return to blogging? Weird, huh? I'm starting to see the beauty of online rants. It's like those in-your-head, one-sided conversations with your arch-enemy of the moment, but more satisfying and without feeling so inane. Satisfying, but potentially dangerous, definitely should not make this a habit.
I can sympathize and have real empathy for your situation, because I live in the frozen wasteland too. Some people just love it and feel right at home, while I just couldn't wait to move somewhere else. It took time, which hopefully (sadly for me) you won't have, because a year goes by too quick. Don't let where you are beat you down, just go ahead and eat all your vegetables! Tell people there is such a thing as too conservative! Dispute the un-christlike things going on and just keep hating your carpet! You can't make yourself love it, then you wouldn't be yourself. I don't exactly fit in, and people for sure think I'm "quirky". But my situation changed from restless to accepting to happiness. And the only manna I've found is that I live next to a lot of good cooking relatives that invite me to dinner.
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