About 9 months ago I embarked on a journey to study 'the classics' more in depth. I love this definition of a classic: any book that when you read it over again you gain more from it. That broadened and lightened up my reading immensely! A few experiences lately have made me realize the profound impact just studying more in depth for this short time has had on me.
The last few months I have been sick on and off, just flu type stuff. I have been extremely blessed to enjoy great health all my life and as small as these incidents were they had an impact on me, not least of which was a huge expansion in empathy for friends who suffer from chronic health issues and still manage to take care of their families. My first thoughts were of Corrie in The Hiding Place, at least I am in my comfortable home, not waiting in a concentration camp line or prison cell with no hope of any comfort when I am sick.
When literally the best I could do for the kids for dinner was drag out the 72 hour kits and break out the granola bars and jerky, I again thought of Corrie and her 'prison bag' she left behind. It was her type of 72 hour kit for the inevitable consequence of standing up for right and she walked away from it in hopes of sparing other lives. First instead of feeling the guilt and the self pity that I probably would have felt previously had this happened, I was grateful I had my 72 hour kits to draw on and I pondered on if I would have had the strength to walk away from something that would help and sustain me and my family in small hope that my doing so would help others avoid prison and death.
Rather than praying for God to let this pass quickly, like I would have done before, in remembrance of Betsy and the Fleas, I thanked God for this small trial and learned what I could from it and realized there could be greater meaning, seeing it as an opportunity rather than a burden. I also prayed, 'thy will be done,' remembering Corrie ' There are no 'if's' in God's kingdom... His timing is perfect. His will is our hiding pace. Lord Jesus, keep me in Your will! Don't let me go mad by poking about outside it.'
I also thought of my recent reading of Sense and Sensibility which for me this reading through could have been more aptly named 'Selfless and Selfishness'. I thought of Elinor who suffered just as Marianne, but bore it well, didn't wallow in self pity and did her best to help those around her, as opposed to Marianne who wallowed, cared little of how her behavior affected others and due to her wallowing, self pity and high drama ended up nearly dying, and the regrets she expressed after recovery about her conduct. I didn't want to be Marianne. When my children were clamoring at the bathroom door and I just wanted to shut them out and to curl up and wallow in self pity I thought of Elinor and did my best to help those around me despite my condition. I also thought of Jane Eyre: Do what's right, no matter what the personal cost. Elinor and Jane gave me strength.
Because of my reading We Hold These Truths to be Self Evident I also thought about the importance of natural law in our lives and how it governs everything, the more we fight against it the greater the consequences. What natural laws was I dismissing? Not that I am saying anyone with an illness or trial is living contrary to natural law, far from it. God gives us trials to strengthen us. But for me it was worth pondering. I had always thought the whole 'take care of yourself first so you can care for your family' to be a bit of a feminist cop out, but then I realized that since my 3rd baby was born 9 months ago I really haven't gotten a good nights sleep or really been able to eat how I know my body needs me to eat to feel my best, you know, like sit down and eat a meal without being interrupted and having to jump up and get something for somebody, or giving all the good parts away to the kid next to you. I still don't quite know what to do here, I struggle finding balance, but it was a wake up call that I needed to do better for myself somehow, someway...
The other incident that illustrated the value of a classic was when my beloved dog died very suddenly and unexpectedly. She was my best friend, my running companion, the one I could turn to who I knew would love me without requiring anything from me in the moment. She was the only thing I had that was truly MINE, you know how it is as a mom, everything you have and are is community property. Mona-girl was our family dog and adored my kids and would have fought to the death for them, but really she was MINE, her allegiance, loyalty, everything she was was devoted to me. She taught me a lot about how my relationship to God should be. I was her salvation (she came from the shelter) and I was her provider. Every need she had was met (or attempted to be met) by me and she recognized that. What gave me solace when she died? Besides my belief in God's love and mercy to ALL his creatures and His eternal plan for each and every one of his creations, it was the quote from Little Britches ' The only time to feel sorry for anything - or anybody- that dies is when they haven't completed their mission here on earth. ' I truly felt in my heart that Mona had completed her mission her on earth and a merciful God had taken her home without her ever having to experience the frailty of old-age or suffering.
I know this my sound trite to those who have experienced great hardships like chronic health issues or the loss of a child, but for me the classics strengthened me beyond myself to help me deal with these small incidences better. It makes me really want to keep reading should, heaven forbid, something much, much heavier come. I want to be prepared to be 'anti-fragile' - come out of it better, stronger and wiser than when I went into the refiners fire, thanks to MY classics.
