An Ode to Full-time Moms

Funny thing. I never thought I'd be one to write something like this. I was raised in a culture and religion that is very family focused and promotes 'traditional' family values. In addition to these traditions I was blessed with very forward thinking, high achieving women as role models in my family. Before it was commonplace, my grandmothers and great-grandmothers were going to college and finding work. My grandmother graduated from college and left rural Utah to work as a secretary in San Francisco, something that wasn't quite status-qou in those days. My great-grandmother also had a college degree and taught school to support her family after her husband died. My mother, although always being home when us kids were home, taught Math and Economics at the local college while we were in school and has continued to teach college level courses for 15 years. These women loved their families and were always there for them, but it wasn't the only thing in life, although I'm sure they'd all say it was the most important thing. Getting married and having babies wasn't taught as an end-all, be-all...THANK HEAVENS that was not how I was raised.

The women in my family were strong, talented, skilled women and did make it very well in the career place, but they made the choice to devote most of their time to their family. So I'm not sure why I felt this way and am very scared to admit this, but I found deep down inside I didn't quite appreciate or respect the stay-at-home-moms of today. I had this stereotype in my mind of the girl who didn't have bigger plans for her life, that got married because she didn't see any other option, and her only goals in life were to have lots of babies (because what else was she going to do) and watch reality TV. Terrible, I know!!! and again I don't know what predisposed me to think this, but I did and I'm finally forcing myself to come to terms with it.

So here's how I fit into all this. I went to college on full scholarship, did very well, had a great internship and good opportunities. I was very blessed. I met a guy I loved and he loved me back, but he hesitated to propose to me because he wondered if I'd choose career over him. I didn't, and never would have, but looking back I see why he would've thought this. In my perspective, getting married may or may not have happened. I hoped he'd ask me, but I was way to proud and a traditionalist to ask him, so I figured I had better continue to set myself up for good career opportunities and live my life moving forward until something of firm commitment made me realign those plans. Not to say either of us ever thought getting married would cost me a career, but I was filling out job applications to move to Brazil or Washington D.C. or go to grad school in the Mid-West, stuff like that, and if there was no commitment from him, why should I put my life on hold and miss out on those opportunities? Now there's probably two schools of thought going on with you readers. You're either thinking: 'You moron. Why didn't you move to Brazil?' Or 'You are the biggest jerk ever, I can't believe he married you after you acted like that.' I definitely see both points and probably could've handled that time in my life a little better, but nonetheless lucky for me he did ask (a week before I graduated from college and really started pursuing those avenues) and thus I opted to stay in good old Idaho with him.

I worked for the USDA for a little while, using my degree. Then, as is typical with lower level government jobs, funding ran out and I was laid off. I had a stint as a bank teller, not quite the career path I wanted so luckily for whatever reason I was perusing the paper one day ( I never read the paper) and came across a job with what was one of my 'big 5' companies, one of the companies that in college I had pinpointed as who I really wanted to work for. I applied, got that job and quickly moved through several positions there and was doing exactly what I went to school to do and loved it, plus had tons of growth opportunity. I was happily married and had my career path. I had it all.

After four years of being married we decided to have a baby. I love kids, I do, but I've never been baby crazy and was a terrible babysitter. This was a whole new ball game for me, but when my little guy was born I know I'd move mountains to do what was best for him. My job and boss were incredibly awesome and I took three months off before I went back to work, plus they let me take him to work with me. Again, win-win!! He started to get older, old enough where he didn't just sleep all the time and it got harder and harder. I had to make a decision. I started shopping day-cares because not only did I love my job, my husband's job wasn't super stable and if I didn't have a job we didn't have health insurance. I literally got sick to my stomach every time I walked into a day care and thought of leaving my son there. I couldn't do it, no way, no how, never. We were just going to have to make things work.

That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Even though I knew I could never take my son to day care the thought of giving up what I'd worked so hard for in college and so far in my career, plus leaving my friends, my income, my insurance, my challenge, and what was a huge part of my life that I really loved was gut wrenching. I'm so glad I did it though! Sure there's days where I wish I had something other to do than read the same stories a million times, do laundry and throw rocks in the creek for hours, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have a new perspective on full-time moms. I know not everyone has the luxury of staying home with their kids and I also recognize that it may not be the right choice for everyone, but to those who to take care of home, kids and everything else in life full-time with no monetary compensation, thank you for your sacrifice! I've come to realize many full-time moms have just as ambitious goals as our career counterparts. I just keep adding to my ambitious goal list and you know what, I have way more freedom and time to work on my goals now than when I was working full time. And garaunteed, if we're doing a good job taking care of home, kids and life we work long hours . . .and we don't get insurance or pay, we just get self-satisfaction and lots of love.

The other day I was struggling and thinking about how I needed to do better. I started reviewing all the success principles I'd learned in my career that helped me. One of them was: 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts, so you better make sure you're spending your time in high value tasks rather than the minutia, ensuring you get to that 20% of result producing work. Along with this was the learned skill to make sure what you deem high value activities are the same activities your boss deems high value. I got thinking I needed to make sure I was spending my time in high value activities because there was no way I was going to get everything done. (Those full-time moms that say they're bored, I have no idea how that happens!) Anyway, What I did get done had to matter and I just wasn't sure what was the highest value. So who was my boss? Who could I check with to make sure what I deemed as high value tasks were really high value tasks. Like I said earlier, I was raised in a religion were family is very central and important, but this wonderful Ah-ha came to me: God is my boss. All of us our God's children. I'm a steward as a mom and wife, doing my best to take care of at least two of his children, my husband and son. So God would know and care what is high value and what's the mindless details of life. As God's 'employee' he has vested interest in my work and success. And who better to have rooting for you, on your side and as a mentor and coach than God and our Savior Jesus Christ? It is a totally weird way to think of it, but it helped me appreciate my role as a full-time mom and realize how vitally important what I(and every other full-time mom who tries her best)does each and everyday is in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I think I'll count becoming a full-time mom as a promotion. I work directly for the biggest boss of them all. :)


Here's a short summary of how my religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) feels about the family.http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng I'm not trying to be preachy, just a little background on where I'm coming from with all this, so you don't think I'm completely crazy! :)